Four months

So if you ask me in person what I've been doing the past four months, I'd probably give you the most negative and depressing answers, coming from that dark corner in the back of my head that constantly nags at me at the fact that after months of receiving rejection letters or just not getting called back from places I've contemplated starting my career at after graduation, I just sat down with my manager, told her I was going absolutely insane, and learned to mix bread as a baker's apprentice in the early mornings. In short, I gave up.

Despite this and the many times in the past two years I wish I would've just went to CIA and got a much much much better return on the 40+ grand I'll need to pay off, I don't regret going to culinary school at all.

Two years ago, I ran head-on into this venture and I had no idea what I was doing. I doubt I'd even held a sharp knife before, much less know how to use it correctly.

I wrote recipes down, forgetting them almost immediately, then scrutinizing every syllable during class. I remember taking one and a half hours preparing the mise the first time I ever made a bechamel.

But somewhere in there between the panic of rushing to the requisition in the beginning of a packed Asian cuisine class full of third-quarters and the measuring out of every ounce of onion I put into a dish to European cuisine and A la Carte, something just clicked. And cooking just makes sense to me now.

When I was in my early years of high school, I watched shows like Iron Chef in awe, thinking I could never be as clever or creative as that. I'd never eaten real salsa before. I'd never thought I'd even like beef, pork, or chicken and now I love cooking it. If I had to cook a 6-course meal using a secret ingredient in one hour, I'd probably end up crying ten minutes into it but now it's starting to look more plausible to me. The idea of getting to any level of creativity seems much more attainable now than ever before.

I graduate June 15th. And maybe I won't get a job then or get to move out of this town to do so. Maybe I'll end up in business school for two more years so I can figure out what I want to do.

But for sure, I don't regret this experience. Never in my life have I met so many good and talented people who have such passion for what they do. I don't know when or if I'll ever make it or even get into this industry, but I sure as hell love it.